Top 5 visible front garden mistakes in my neighborhood are:

5) Boat parts in number 42
4) Mischievous gnomes at number 5
3) The plastic well at number 17
2) Bonsai garden at number 3

and the winner is...

1) House named "This'lldoforus" at number this'lldoforus

That's written from number "cynicalaboutfrontgardens"

COMMIES POISON OUR CHILDREN

I was appalled to not see this headline in any tabloid. I know it's not a, "fashionable" opinion but the red peril is still out there. Do you want some Chinese communist party official walking into Norwich when we are all unconscious on toy lead and renaming it Norichi and building sky scrapers in Cromer and fast trains running everywhere or something? Well that's what will happen if we don't retaliate with our own deadly exports. I suggest turkey twizzlers.

I spent the weekend neck high in Stolmen like a real man. Is it the Norwegian port town? No, it's an IKEA storage system.

I have 32 alan keys and lots of spare plastic bits.

I am a man of STOLL!

funny

One thing I;ve noticed since my return is that nobody is funny and they're all proud of it. I keep hearing, "I'm not being funny but..." Is humour now taboo?

GET YE OFF MY TURNIP TOPS!